


Faded Promise

by anotherFMAfan



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 13:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherFMAfan/pseuds/anotherFMAfan
Summary: Before Roy and Edward parted ways to face their respective foes, they made a promise.Warnings: major angst. Roy in a heterosexual relationship. Original characters. Uses 2003 timeline as-is, but only parts of Shamballa apply.3/1/2008
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang, Roy Mustang/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Faded Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Very old fic that I suddenly remembered existed and realized wasn't posted here. Originally posted 3/1/2008.
> 
> Not my best, but putting up here in the name of not letting fic disappear.

When Roy came home, after hanging his jacket in the hall closet, he smiled at Hannah and leaned down to kiss her. She smiled, always-gentle, always-loving Hannah, and gave him a kiss in return before taking his hand to guide him to sit down. This was their routine- comfortable and steady; they never found it boring and never allowed it to be broken, even by six-year-old urgency. They would sit and talk about Roy’s day first- get all of the office stress, orders and laws and upset officers out of the way before they spoke about Hannah’s day with Ruth, which would set the tone for the rest of the evening. Her day was filled with the antics of his frighteningly intelligent daughter, who couldn’t be restrained and never sat still, unless she was reading, in which case she might as well have been etched in stone.

After they had spoken on those things, Hannah’s eyes suddenly lit up, brown as earth, and smiled, ducking her head slightly the way she did when she was about to deliver good news.

“What is it?” Roy asked, smiling himself.

“Someone came to visit you today.”

“At the house?” he asked, frowning slightly. “I wasn’t expecting anyone….”

“Yes, I know you weren’t, but he came anyway,” she said. “Come to think of it, I don’t even know how he got inside the gates….” She trailed off in thought, and Roy felt a twinge of worry. Hannah was the kindest woman he’d even known, but her heart was too soft to consider things like kidnapping and assassination as carefully as she should. Then again, she also had a tendency to be just a bit forgetful, so he couldn’t take her assertion that someone had come in without approval too seriously. He’d made the mansion a fortress, fortifying and guarding the perimeter until he was positive it was safe for Ruth to play inside the grounds.

She shook her head to clear such thoughts and her smile returned.

“It was one of your soldiers.”

Roy raised his eyebrows in surprise. Although as Fuhrer, all of the soldiers of the country were under his command, the only ones he referred to as “his” were those who had been under his command what seemed ages ago, when he was a Colonel or a General. He still kept in touch with most of his crew- Havoc, Fuery, Breda, Falman- and Hawkeye still worked for him directly. He couldn’t imagine which one of them would drop by, much less unannounced.

She let him wonder for a moment or two more and then spoke the name, obviously unfamiliar to her, as though he should have guessed all along.

“Edward Elric,” she smiled, and time stopped.

* * * *

Frozen. Everything was frozen: his wife, on the couch, his heart, in his chest, the clock on the wall…. He couldn’t think, couldn’t process what had just happened—he could only listen to Hannah’s voice, echoing that name over and over again.

_Edward Elric._

The name he seldom allowed himself to think, though he thought of him every day.

_Edward Elric._

The name he still couldn’t hear spoken aloud without feeling pain in his breast, without feeling his throat become tight.

_Edward Elric._

Memories of him flashed through his brain, image after image of the one who belonged to that name.

_Ed lying across the bed Ed standing next to him Ed blushing Ed pounding his fist on the desk Ed smiling Ed scowling Ed walking beside him hand-in-hand Ed touching him Ed laughing Ed crying Ed kissing him Ed staring him down Ed reading Ed in the shower Ed living Ed loving Ed moaning, making love to Ed—_

And suddenly time was moving again- or no, it had been moving all along, and he was the only one stilled. His wife was speaking but he couldn’t hear her and did it really matter?

Edward was dead- Edward was _dead_ ; it had cost years and most of his heart to admit that, to stop hoping and crying and start picking up the little, meaningless pieces of his life again.

Edward _was_ dead.

So why was his heart beating in his chest so loudly, crying for joy?

“ _Roy!_ ”

Hannah was shaking his arm, brown waves of hair framing her alarmed face, and now somehow his daughter was standing beside her.

“You’re white as a sheet. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Roy cleared his throat and shook his head, glancing away from her for a moment as Ruth climbed into her lap.

“I’m fine. I was just. Surprised. Fullmetal was here?”

She frowned, that familiar expression of incomprehension in her eyes, and he quickly clarified.

“He was a State Alchemist, and his name was Fullmetal. Edward Elric.”

Why was it so easy to say that name now?

“Oh, I see. He didn’t say anything about that… but yes, he was here. I found him playing outside with Ruthie.”

Roy couldn’t stop the laugh that came out, but it sounded a bit too loud and sudden. Edward and Ruth. She had such a stubborn streak, such spark, and the way she buried herself in books and would probably be able to talk circles around him one of these days… she became more like _him_ every day. Roy knew he should make her behave, but he never could set down discipline in the face of those determined eyes, burning gold…or no, Ruthie’s were brown.

“We played in the sandbox,” said the girl, eyes alight. “And he made me a huge castle- with a dungeon and knights on horses and everything. With alchemy, just like you, daddy.” She beamed brightly up at him, and Roy felt something in his chest tighten painfully.

“Really? That was nice of him to play with you,” he said faintly.

“It was almost impossible to get her to let him come in for tea,” Hannah confided with a smile, wrapping her arms around her daughter’s tiny waist affectionately.

“What…what did you talk about?” Roy asked, his heart still leaping but no longer thumping quite as loudly.

“Oh, not a lot,” she said. “He asked about you and how we met and such… I got a bit carried away telling him.” She blushed a little, and Roy suppressed a smile. “He must have been gone for a long time… he kept calling you colonel.”

Roy felt his heart flutter, and a sudden, terrible desire to hear Edward call his name again. In such, he was amazed to find he had already accepted the idea that he was alive as truth, as though he had known all along.

“He and Ruthie played a bit more then, while we talked some more. He was so nice, and such a good listener.”

“And then?” He prompted eagerly.

Hannah shrugged, and let out a sigh. “He finished his tea and left. I tried to get him to wait, since you would have been home in a few hours, but….” She shook her head.

Roy felt a powerful wave of grief wash over him, pain and frustration like a physical block in his chest, so strong and fierce he had to close his eyes for a moment to ward off the tears that rushed to them, unbidden.

Gone.

He had left, again, and it was almost as bad as the first time he’d lost him, years of it compacted into that moment.

“He just smiled,” she continued. “A sad smile, really… he was kind, but he seemed so sad….” She dropped off thoughtfully again.

“I was mad,” said Ruth, and he could hear the little scowl in her voice. “I liked him. I wanted him to come back and play with me again.”

“I’m sorry, honey, but he’s gone back to where he’s been all this time…it would be too much to ask him to come all that way.”

Roy snapped open his stinging eyes.

_Back to where he’s been all this time._

Edward had been… _trapped_ somewhere, and now he was going back, because—

Because Roy had broken his promise.

That fact suddenly hit him like a slap, and he felt a sinking, cold horror settle in him. Edward wasn’t dead, and that meant his promise still stood- or it should have, and Roy had broken it.

_“No matter what, I’ll come back to you,” he had said fiercely, golden eyes blazing and incongruent hands holding either side of Roy’s face. “Promise me you’ll wait for me. Promise me.”_

_“I promise. Of course I promise, I love you, Ed,” he had said shakily, holding him close and trying to press down the fear that filled his chest._

_“I love you too. I love you,” Edward had whispered-- one of the few times he said such words, though Roy could always feel it._

_“Be careful,” he had admonished as they pulled apart, and Edward shot him a cocky grin._

_“You too, bastard.”_

Edward had kept his promise. He had come back, against insurmountable odds, and- here was Roy, with a wife and a six-year old child. His heart lurched in his chest, and he buried his face in his hands.

“Roy? What’s wrong?” asked Hannah, instantly a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He resisted the urge to shrink away from her touch. He felt such revulsion at the thought of her, at the thought of this whole life he was living- but it wasn’t her fault, it was his, and he had no right to punish her.

“I’m just tired. I had a long day,” he said, relying on every ounce of strength in him to make it sound convincing, to rebuild his mask.

“If you’re tired you should go to sleep,” suggested Ruth forcefully, secure in her own faultless logic, and he felt a rush of gratitude toward her couldn’t describe. He lifted his head and smiled.

“I think I will do that, if it’s alright-” He felt disgusted that he couldn’t bring himself to address his own wife with his usual term of endearment.

“Of course,” she said, watching him worriedly. “Are you sure you don’t want dinner?”

“I’ll be down in time for dinner,” he said, standing. “I’ll just take a few hours’ rest.”

Hannah nodded and squeezed his hand. “I’ll help Ruthie with her homework.”

“Thanks,” he said. It was usually his job because Ruth liked to use the time as an excuse to ask him all the secrets of the universe, which she seemed to be convinced he held.

Roy’s eyes were dry as he ascended the staircase with its rich red carpeting, the polished wooden banister sliding smoothly beneath his hand. He was entirely composed as he traversed the long hallway toward the master bedroom and opened its ridiculously ornate doors. He nodded solemnly to a maid as she hastily removed her cleaning tools and bowed her way out. He was almost casual in his closing and locking of the bedroom doors, walked easily over to the enormous bed and sat on the edge.

Then he let go.

Roy was hardly aware of the time passing, but when he finally glanced at the clock, it was almost six. His breathing even and his tears exhausted, the fires of his self-hatred dimmed, he was left with only hollow remorse. Edward’s faith was so strong…how could he have kept hope, kept trying all these years? Yet that wasn’t a question at all…it was Edward, and Edward _always_ kept his promises. So many times bent but never broken. He never gave up, he never backed down. No matter what life threw at him, he overcame it.

Roy had betrayed him, and he could never take it back.

In the name of recovery, in the name of _moving on_ he had allowed Hawkeye to talk him out of that little post in the wilderness, he had buried himself back into his goal, he had let himself grow fond of the comfort Hannah brought, and he let his promise fade.

_The greatest mistake of my life. Edward…._ He felt another pang of longing and regret.

He was so bright, a spun gold-and-silver casing covering the blazing sun inside of him, and he lit up the darkness wherever he went. No shadows could exist near him for that, but also because he _knew_ shadows, had borne darker shadows than most people see in their lifetimes, since he was nothing but a child. Ever since that golden light had left his life nothing seemed the right color. The world was tinted dark, in absence of that brilliance. Everything was grey as sky and black as hate and brown…brown as earth….

He heard a knock on the door and the timid voice of a servant informing him dinner was served, and he called out a vague acknowledgement. He rose, took a glass of water to soothe his hoarse throat and washed his face. His eyes were only slightly red, but not anything Hannah was likely to miss, though he could blame it on exhaustion.

He stared with hard eyes into his reflection in the mirror. He had no right to grieve. He had no right to wallow in the death of a future he himself had killed. Regardless of what his feelings were, regardless of what had come about, he had obligations to Hannah and Ruth. He did love them, and hurting them would not change the past.

So Roy Mustang denied away his wife’s concerns and had dinner with his family. He finished some paperwork, helped his daughter with the last of her homework, discussed personnel issues with his head of house. He was sitting on the couch before the fire, considering a brandy (just one, of course) when stern young eyes demanded he tuck her into bed.

Roy sat on the edge of the little mattress- covered in books- and gave a sigh.

“Ruth, how do you sleep on here?” he asked as he lifted a handful to set on the floor.

“Don’t!” she growled, eyes flashing in a painfully reminiscent way. “I want them there.”

Roy relented and pulled the covers- books and all- up over her lap.

“Daddy, look at this,” she said excitedly, lifting her pillow and pulling out a handkerchief. “Mr. Elric gave me a present.”

“Oh, really?” he asked, trying to keep the strain from his voice.

She grinned and opened the cloth, revealing the contents, and Roy’s heart stopped in his chest.

“He said it was your mom’s,” she said, picking up the silver ring. “And a hundred moms before her. And he said one day, when I find somebody I love more than _anybody_ , I can wear it for that person.” She smiled at the ring for a moment, and then frowned up at him.

“Mr. Elric said he had it because you made a mistake. Daddy, how could you be so careless?” She knew that phrase well- it was often used on her. Roy couldn’t bear to look at those intelligent eyes- somehow he felt she’d see right through him- so he looked down at the sheets and tried to unblock his throat enough to speak.

“I _was_ careless. I… I lost the most precious thing I’ve ever had,” he choked out.

“Well, it’s okay,” she said, oblivious. “He brought it back. One day, I can give it to my daughter, and her daughter, and a hundred daughters after me.” She seemed pleased with that idea. “But not until I’m dead. Because Mr. Elric says, ‘When you truly love someone, you love them forever.’ Isn’t that right, daddy?” She asked, looking up at him with her eyes, brown as earth. Roy pulled her into a crushingly tight hug, burying his tears into her shoulder.

“Yes, that’s right, Ruthie,” he gasped out raggedly. “You love them forever.”


End file.
